Blog

These are some of the things you should never say to a caregiver

Posted on February 25, 2017 at 5:50 PM
"Why are you having such a hard time being a caregiver?" Usually voiced by someone who has never been a caregiver for an elderly loved one, this question can be very difficult for a caregiver to hear. As Laverty points out, it effectively takes their role of providing care for a loved one, and diminishes it. "Gosh???we haven't seen you in such a long time. Why don't you get out more?" Though it probably comes from a place of love, Laverty points out that this can be an unproductive way to express concern for a friend or family member who is a caregiver. "The truth is that most caregivers do need to get out more, but this is an insensitive way of saying it," she says. "You look really tired. Are you making sure to take care of yourself?" Caregivers generally have a good reason for looking tired and haggard???because they are. "The biggest issue for caregivers is that they tend to sacrifice personal care???it's the first thing that goes," Laverty says. Caregivers look tired because they are not getting enough sleep, they spend their nights worrying and making sure their loved one doesn't wander. But, that doesn't mean that they appreciate having that fact pointed out to them. "Caregiving seems like a burden. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your life for your mother's." Caregiving is hard. That's why so many people, both caregivers and non-caregivers alike, refer to it as a "burden." But, according to Laverty, when a friend or family member likens caregiving to a burden, what they're really telling the caregiver is that they aren't handling the situation properly and that this isn't what they should be doing with their life. "Caregivers get into their role because they started out as loving, caring people trying to do the right thing," she says. "You need to get a ???real' life." As the old saying goes, "you're preaching to the choir." "Every caregiver understands that they need to get a life, have a plan, start making time for themselves," Laverty says. But, telling a caregiver to "get a life" is like telling them that what they're doing now (caring for a loved one) doesn't matter. "Why don't you just put you mother in a nursing home? It would be better for everyone." Laverty says that comments like this can make a caregiver feel like they're not doing a good job taking care of their loved one. The reality is, a nursing home might not be financially feasible, or a caregiver may be trying to keep their loved one at home for as long as possible. Outsiders think they're offering good advice, when they might really just (unintentionally) be making a caregiver feel guilty. "Why do you visit your dad so much? He doesn't even know you." If a caregiver is taking care of someone who has Alzheimer's or another form of dementia and lives in a nursing home, people may ask why they bother to visit someone who doesn't even remember who they are. "People need human contact and love, or they will just shrivel up and die," Laverty says, "Caregivers shouldn't feel stupid for going to visit someone who doesn't recognize them outwardly. As long as they know who their loved one is, that's all that should matter." "Don't feel guilty about???" When you're a caregiver, "guilt just comes with the territory," according to Laverty. Caregivers want to fix everything, to solve every problem, to ease every hurt, when the reality is that no one can do it all. When people tell a caregiver not to feel guilty about something, it can make things worse by bringing that guilt to the forefront of their mind. "Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about something happy and fun." When it comes to your average small talk scenario, caregivers generally don't have a lot of "fun" things to contribute. Laverty says that people need to understand that people taking care of an elderly loved one need to talk about what's going on. Friends and family members of caregivers should take the time to listen to what a caregiver has to say, no matter how "unpleasant," or "unhappy" it is. "You must be so relieved that it's over." When their elderly loved one dies a caregiver is likely to be facing a bunch of mixed up emotions. Relief may be one of those feelings, but Laverty feels that it's probably not productive to point this out to a person who has just lost a parent, spouse, or sibling. "If you diminish the event, you diminish the life and effort of the caregiver," she says.  "When are you going to get over it (a senior's death) and move on?" Grief is an individual process. For some people, processing the death of a loved one will take some time. This is particularly true of caregivers, who've poured a significant amount of time and energy into taking care of the person who has just passed. (agingcare.com)

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

219 Comments

Reply Homecare Assistancecalgary
8:20 AM on May 27, 2017 
nice post dear, it should be benefit for every home owner. ...........
Reply abiwiola
4:56 PM on March 3, 2020 
The eez.zjas.healthyweightoptionsllc.com.dop.si head, [URL=http://calendr.net/cialis-soft/ - buy cialis soft[/URL - [URL=http://campropost.org/eurax/ - price of eurax[/URL - [URL=http://csharp-eval.com/viagra-gold-vigour/ - viagra gold vigour for sale[/URL - [URL=http://theriversidegrove.com/karela/ - generic karela from india[/URL - [URL=http://portlandsolidarity.org/solian/ - no prescription solian[/URL - cheapest solian dosage price granular cialis soft online lowest price generic eurax viagra gold vigour prices for karela buy solian uk planning cavitating ureteric http://calendr.net/cialis-soft/ cialis soft pills http://campropost.org/eurax/ canadian eurax http://csharp-eval.com/viagra-gold-vigour/ viagra gold vigour http://theriversidegrove.com/karela/ karela http://portlandsolidarity.org/solian/ solian without a doctor wondering spores.
Reply ogijainumeazo
10:11 AM on March 11, 2020 
Establishing nfs.hlwq.amagpartners.com.irn.od sent real, precluding [URL=http://bakelikeachamp.com/item/zestoretic/ - online generic zestoretic[/URL - [URL=http://lokcal.org/product/hydrazide/ - hydrazide to buy[/URL - [URL=http://theriversidegrove.com/trazodone/ - buy trazodone[/URL - trazodone 50mg [URL=http://sketchartists.net/flonase/ - flonase for sale[/URL - [URL=http://mtntrak.org/phenojet/ - phenojet[/URL - phenojet generic pills contracted zestoretic canadian pharmacy hydrazide to buy trazodone lowest price flonase without a prescription phenojet consistent wards bulky, http://bakelikeachamp.com/item/zestoretic/ order zestoretic online http://lokcal.org/product/hydrazide/ purchase hydrazide online http://theriversidegrove.com/trazodone/ trazodone lowers anxiety http://sketchartists.net/flonase/ online flonase http://mtntrak.org/phenojet/ phenojet buy generic phenojet vaginitis psychiatrists hydroxychloroquine.
Reply ezozoihwevuva
3:00 AM on March 21, 2020 
Taking bhi.zqti.isabelacera.com.jaz.qg damp framework [URL=http://lovecamels.com/buy-orlistat/ - buy xenical[/URL - [URL=http://nitromtb.org/cialis-daily/ - cialis daily generic[/URL - [URL=http://center4family.com/plaquenil-without-dr-prescription-u
sa/ - plaquenil buy[/URL - [URL=http://hackingdiabetes.org/buy-chloroquine-online-canada/ - chloroquine for sale overnight[/URL - [URL=http://a1sewcraft.com/generic-chloroquine-in-canada/ - generic chloroquine at walmart[/URL - normally; ureterocele, buy xenical cialis daily plaquenil chloroquine cost chloroquine for sale inverted, haematoma, http://lovecamels.com/buy-orlistat/ buy xenical http://nitromtb.org/cialis-daily/ online cialis daily http://center4family.com/plaquenil-without-dr-prescription-usa/ where to buy plaquenil http://hackingdiabetes.org/buy-chloroquine-online-canada/ buy chloroquine no prescription http://a1sewcraft.com/generic-chloroquine-in-canada/ overnight chloroquine minimizes won't cause: restenosis.
Reply Michaelsling
3:30 PM on April 25, 2020 
cam girl hotcamgirls1 hd cam girls.
young webcam sex bestonlinesexcams1.com real hidden cam sex videos.
Reply PatrickNow
12:08 PM on April 27, 2020 
free cam to cam sites adultfreewebcamsites.com best live sex cam sites.
cam sites free adultfreewebcamsites popular cam sites.
web cam sex cam girl sex cam sex com.
top cam sites porn cam sites webcam sites reviews.
web cam girls camgirls1.com web cam teen girls.
best cam girl sites top free cam sites diaper girl webcam sites.
Reply JoshuaDep
12:08 PM on April 27, 2020 
teen cam girls bbw cam girls naked girls web cam.
free sex webcam bestonlinesexcams1 hidden cam sex porn.
live sex cam sites couples cam sites tranny cam sites.
Reply PatrickNow
2:16 PM on April 27, 2020 
nanny cam sex arab hidden cam sex young sex cam.
free webcam sites adultcamsites1.com reddit best cam sites.
cam girl romanian cam girls web cam girl.
cheap cam sites adultfreewebcamsites.com free gay cam sites.
cammodels pregnant cam girl cam girl video.
family webcam sex nsfwly/sexcams live sex cam xxx.
Reply JoshuaDep
2:16 PM on April 27, 2020 
cheapest cam sites best shemale cam sites trans cam sites.
asian cam girls cam to cam girls black cam girls.
free cam girls cam whores girls strip web cam.
Reply StephenEmuts
6:07 PM on April 27, 2020 
webcam girl camgirl lesbian cam girls.
Reply Robertcrolo
10:51 PM on April 27, 2020 
live cam site teen webcam sites free cam site.
gay sex cam gay cam sex webcam sex chat.
top cam sites adultcamsites1 random webcam sites.
best porn cam sites adultcamsites1 good webcam sites.
hot cam girls webcam model young cam girl.
adult web cam sites teen web cam site top porn cam sites.
Reply StephenEmuts
11:31 PM on April 27, 2020 
cam sex online bestonlinesexwebcams naked sex cam.
Reply Robertcrolo
1:19 AM on April 28, 2020 
sexy cam xxx cam sex live sex cam online.
young girls on cam cam to cam girls girls webcam.
cammodel free webcam girls big tit cam girls.
top free cam sites adultcamsites1 webcam sites like omegle.
sex webcam korean webcam sex mobile sex cam.
best cam site japanese cam site male cam site.
Reply DarrellSOT
1:19 AM on April 28, 2020 
jasmin sex cam free webcam sex web cam sex chat.
free live cam sites adultcamsites1.com webcam sites review.
gay sex cam bestonlinesexcams1.com sex cam online.
Reply StephenEmuts
5:20 AM on April 28, 2020 
free live sex cam lesbian live sex cam lesbian sex web cam.
Reply Robertcrolo
6:34 AM on April 28, 2020 
real life cam sex bestonlinesexwebcams indian cam sex.
teen sex cam bestonlinesexcams1.com homemade sex cam.
top adult cam sites new webcam sites trans cam site.
spy cam sex videos bestonlinesexcams1.com indian sex cam.
sex cam site adultfreewebcamsites.com top porn cam sites.
sex webcam sites adultfreewebcamsites.com free sex webcam sites.
Reply DarrellSOT
6:36 AM on April 28, 2020 
nude cam sites sex cam sites teen cam site.
best live cam sites girl webcam sites highest paying webcam sites.
teen webcam sex videos indian webcam sex best sex cam site.
Reply StephenEmuts
8:10 AM on April 28, 2020 
couple cam sites adultcamsites1 bbw cam site.
Reply KelvinfOeli
5:28 PM on April 28, 2020 
cam to cam sites adultfreewebcamsites.com roulette cam sites.
Reply DarrendiB
7:07 PM on April 28, 2020 
porn webcam sites adultcamsites1.com highest paying cam sites.
webcam girl ebony cam girls top cam girls.
sexy cam girl filipina sex cam group sex cam.
chat cam girl lesbian cam girls live girls on cam.
cam girl camgirls1.com pregnant cam girl.
camming hotcamgirls1.com live sex cam girls.